It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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