Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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