Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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