Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
