i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
