I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
