I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He? As in you personified your dick?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
