Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.