it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
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It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!