I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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