his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.