His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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