the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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