i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
