I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
