Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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