I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize