Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
