I could have mohawked her pubes.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
