You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
