It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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