**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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