WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found the puke drawer
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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