He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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