is your mom at the bar?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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