My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
