I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
