i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
