I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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