i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
