I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
