God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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