the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
