he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I have fence marks all over my body
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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