Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
