please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
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So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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