Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
