Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
