I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
