Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
