The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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