Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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