Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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