we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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