what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
