grandma shit on top of the toilet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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