i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You pole danced in your parka.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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