why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Congratulations! We have a period
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