I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
