Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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