I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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