I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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