I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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