I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
