she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
