i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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