WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize