Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.