Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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