I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
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Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
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I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize