Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.