Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
