I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.