Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
