your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
In America we eat man semen.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.