I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.