if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
zippers are such a cool invention
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.