I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.