Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.