So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
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You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
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What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.