so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
