So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The best revenge is premature balding
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
