You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize