she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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