i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
