she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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