You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
