i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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